The Leafs suck or I do…
Toronto, ON A very strange thing has happened to me this week. I have a pair of tickets for the Leafs home game at the Air Canada Centre tomorrow night, and I can’t find a single man, woman, or child who wants to come along for the ride. Leafs and Lightning. Matthews and Stamkos. Surely, there are some blue-blooded fans of either denomination just dying to see this T-bay/T-dot tilt Tuesday night. Apparently not.
I mean, when you can’t find a person willing to go to a FREE (yes, free) NHL game with you, it really makes you wonder if there’s something bigger going on. I’ll admit it, I’ve been out of the loop. I don’t know half the roster anymore, and I can honestly say I was too self-absorbed to even bother to keep tabs on the NHL during those 15 months that I was in Singapore. It’s basically been a steady decline in hockey on-topped-ness since I left Canada seven years ago.
So, are the Leafs really that bad? After decades without a cup and a horrible post-season record over the last 12 years, did fans finally reach a breaking point? Are Toronto fans finally willing to abandon their team in hopes that upper management finally figures shit out?
Are they that bad, though? Bad enough that fans would rather “not waste the gas” their car would consume in order to drive to the rink? (Yes, one of my friends said that). Are the Leafs gas-conservation bad? I mean, the ticket prices do kind of scream, “Yes, I have season seats and I also drive a Tesla,” but really? Or is it really not the Leafs who “aren’t worth the gas,” but could it actually be…*gasps*…me?!?!
Yeah… so I’m the bad friend. I’m the one who moved away and forgot about you. It wasn’t deliberate, I mean, y’all grew up, got married, “became homeowners!!!,” popped out some kids, posted a million photos of them on Facebook, and made me hate you… but not “hate-hate” more like, “oh god, how many children do they actually need to have?! – hate” And I’d find myself secretly hoping that “daddy’s little angel” would accidentally smash daddy’s little smart phone camera.
If you were lucky, I sent you a wedding gift (probably not something from your actual registry, though, because I’m gangsta like that). I may have even “liked” the very thoughtful birthday message you left on my wall, wishing me well on my special day and then in the same, selfish breath demanding that I make time to visit your precious spawn whenever I’m back in town. Well, I AM back in town, and the only reason I “liked” your comment was because there wasn’t a “Hahahah, no.” button. But to be fair, I’m sure I’ve also annoyed many people with my travel photos and location-specific news articles about things no one in Toronto cares about.
Married friends are always lost, though, but all my single friends, who were once big fish in a giant sea, are more like a handful of minnows trapped in a tiny puddle during a Californian summer. My social network has completely collapsed on itself. I feel just like Scrooge, who was too busy getting rich on life, and now must accept the karmic payback that my self-discovering, wanderlusting asshollery has earned me.
These two Leafs tickets are perhaps the reality check that I (or any Scrooge) actually needs… because if you can’t find a single living soul willing to go to a free NHL game with you, then you really are a dick.
How can someone as gorgeous as you not find someone to join you anywhere? What’s wrong with Canadian men?
I really wish I could whip up a Passport in 24 hours, because I would say yes. I would go with you to a Leafs game.
I was once working for a radio station that arranged for me to go to the home opener with a press pass many years ago, I was all set to get up there – until the lockout happened and canceled ALL of the games that year.
Oh well.
Best of luck to you anyway.