How to travel to the Swedish Hockey League the hard way…
Orebro, Sweden Well, Florida, you have finally been beaten. The SHL definitely takes the cake when it comes to the absolute worst hockey travel day in the history of my psycho hockey adventures. After what I went through to make it to Behrn Arena in time for puck drop and my first SHL game, I would happily relive any of my previous Florida Panthers misadventures. Once again, words cannot properly express all that went down on my escape from the Middle East to the homeland of Mats Sundin, so for your reading pleasure, I have provided you with a detailed timeline of all the action. Enjoy!
October 8, 2013 (Saudi Arabia)
[19:00] I had gone to bed at 7 that evening. Despite facing a full work day followed by immediate travel to Sweden, I was still determined to watch some NHL hockey at 2 AM (I AM paying for Game Center Live now, after all). I drugged myself with Gravol to ensure that I would actually sleep for the 7 hours leading up to 2 AM.
[21:00] Someone or something startled me out of my sleep. I assume it was my alarm clock, and in a druggy daze I attempt to log into Game Center and stream the Flyers/Panthers game. I become violently irritated with the fact that the game will not start and continue to war with the Gravol as it attempts to suck me back into dreamland. That’s when I realize the clock on my Macbook says 2 PM not 2 AM, and that would be Eastern time, by the way, as I was too lazy to reset the clock when I moved. The game won’t start for 5 hours, and it’s only 9 PM local time.
October 9, 2013 (Saudi Arabia)
[02:00] I once again emerge from my slumber to set up the hockey stream, but I’m quick to roll myself up in my comforter like the sad and cold little naked mole rat that I am.
[08:00] I have spent the last 6 hours awake unnecessarily, but it is now time to catch the compound bus to campus for a full day of work. I hate my life already.
[15:30] It is revealed that the taxi driver we have charged with getting us to the airport in Bahrain has left his passport at home, so instead of being picked up from the university, I now must go all the way home first.
[15:50] The “individual” who is ALWAYS rushing people out of the university so she can get home early decides that this is the day that she is going to be waaaayyyy late for the bus. The ugly side that I reserve solely for dealing with game day obstacles suddenly resurfaces. I am refreshed to discover that I still care about hockey enough to get that pissed off. Everyone else becomes a little more scared of me.
[16:15] I finally arrive back at the compound, but several unnecessary stops along the way have ensured that I am in a rage for the 5 hour (holiday traffic) journey to Bahrain.
October 9, 2013 (Bahrain)
[21:30] We finally arrive in Bahrain after a bizarre drive with two questionable cabbies. The ride included mysterious stops and bogus charges for the Americans in the car (lucky me!). We finally enjoy a well deserved Papa John’s pizza – the one positive thing we tried to focus on the whole way there.
[22:00] We see one of our coworkers who took the free compound bus to the airport. After forking over 600 SAR just in case the bus didn’t get us to the airport in time for our 11:30 PM flights, we were quite irritated to say the least. However, we all decided that we definitely wouldn’t have laughed as much as we did if we took the bus. Some of us have a knack for impressions *ahem.*
[22:30] THE FLIGHT IS FUCKING DELAYED UNTIL 1 AM! Of course, when I show the airport staff my boarding passes, I get the usual, “no problem.” I was supposed to be on my second flight at 1:05, so yeah “maybe problem.” In true Middle Eastern “Inshallah” fashion, nothing is done at the Bahrain airport to redirect our respective flight paths, most likely because they were too lazy to do it themselves. “Let Doha worry about it.” The realization hits us that they are wasting our time and, therefore, keeping us from booze, bacon, and boys. Angry chants ensue.
October 10, 2013 (Qatar)
[02:30] I finally arrive in Doha and have officially been awake for more than 24 hours. I am put on a flight to Stockholm that doesn’t leave until 8:45, which means I have to find a way to stay awake for 6 more hours. “Fortunately,” my coworker also missed her flight and was not taking off until 8:30, so at least we had each other. The worst part is that I paid extra for my flight to NOT have an overnight layover in Qatar, and yet here I was. Expect a strongly worded email, Qatar Airways!
[07:45] Boarding begins and I’m finally on my way to Sweden. We passed the night with hand-sanitizer self-bathing, pretending to be interested in purchasing designer oud so we could hijack a couple couches, and suffering the emotional devastation of encountering a fake A&W or Fake & W. Seriously, they use the A&W logo to sell high school cafeteria burgers and non-A&W rootbeer! I was in no state to deal with that, no state at all!
October 10, 2013 (Sweden)
[14:00] I arrive in Stockholm, sleepless and panicked. It is now 5 hours to puck drop. I have to get through customs, go to the train station, and catch a train to Orebro in hopes that I actually make it to the game. It already becomes painfully clear that taking a shower is not a luxury I will enjoy until AFTER the game.
[15:15] I am running for a train that is departing literally 1 minute after I purchased the ticket. Luckily all those years on Japanese trains has made me quite efficient at charging up stairs with a suitcase without missing a single step. The doors were closing just as I slipped through them.
[16:50] Of course, my train was delayed by 20 minutes, and my connecting train was scheduled to leave the exact minute my initial one finally arrived. With some luck, my connecting train was ONE (yes, just ONE) minute late, and with a quick sprint to the other platform, that one minute was all I needed to make it. I remember thinking (during the delay) that I was ONLY going to Orebro to see a hockey game. I was only going for the night before moving on to Karlstad. If I missed the game, then there was no reason for me to be there. It’s not like it’s a big city like Stockholm or Gothenburg. I could have reconfigured my entire trip! I should have known better than to book a tight trip from Inshallahland. Plus, it would serve me right for breaking the cardinal rule of hockey adventures – never travel on game day!
[17:45] I have finally arrived at my hotel and am delighted to discover that I can see Behrn Arena in the distance just up the road. No hockey would be missed that night, but a nap and shower for the first time in 43 hours would not be on the menu. In fairness, I changed my clothes and attempted to give myself a quick sponge bath with some moist towelettes.
[19:00] Not only did I make it to the rink for puck drop, but I even caught a bit of the warm up! I suddenly become aware of my extreme exhaustion. I’m very sensitive to noise, and Orebro fans are all kinds of loud. We’re talking, “Sit down, Winnipeg” kind of loud! I’m assaulted with a severe migraine. I am also not composed enough to deal with my initial exposure to the strapping Swedish men all around me. I spend most of the night trying not to put my hands all over the guy sitting next to me. Don’t worry I was much less molesty once I got some sleep that night.
And that’s how you travel from Saudi Arabia to the SHL the hard way, kids! Oh, and for the record, I stayed for the ENTIRE game. Bow to me!
P.S. Have you noticed that I stopped posting pictures on here?!? Good for you! Follow me on Instagram for photos from all my crazy misadventures!